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Not every television in the country was tuned in to the Academy Awards last night. Some actually aired the following reality TV shows...

Rock of Love: Bret Michaels personally wakes the girls up, and then they get a note for today's challenge, all about being a cowgirl. Catherine has done barrel riding all her life. That old lady is just full of surprises. -- Buddy TV

Big Brother: James came up with Operation Condor for his HOH week. As he put it: "The condor swoops in and takes the top shelf." While the name has military flair, we're pretty sure it was just an excuse to make bird noises. James and Adam thoroughly enjoyed impersonating the bird of prey. -- TV Squad

Scott Baio is 46... and Pregnant: The episode started off with the arrival of Scott and Renee's baby nurse (who came complete with a British accent), Helen. The first thing Helen did was to order Scott to never smoke inside the house again (a good bit of advice). -- Zap2It

Viewers of "Crazy James" on Big Brother 9 this season have already borne witness to his obscene stunts.

The tattooed bad boy has been caught jerking off on the show on more than one occasion. But at least he was alone during this incidents.

Now, celebrity gossip maven Perez Hilton is reporting that Crazy James has a past of doing similar - and more lewd - acts with other men. This is not safe for work, so read more about this gay porn scandal when ready.

As you can tell from this photo, Big Brother housemate James has an elicit past. Which is fine. We're just judging.

We'd just rather read more about the past of Kristy Joe Muller is all.

Last night, we were treated to the season premiere of America's Next Top Model. Here's a look at that show's summary, along with Project Runway and Big Brother:

America's Next Top Model: The girls arrived at Top Model Prep ready to impress. Upon taking their school ID photos in miniskirted uniforms, they moved on to their first and only class: Runway 101... -- Entertainment Weekly

Project Runway: This was the reunion show before the finale. Kit and Elisa ramble about how happy they are to inspire kids, but Sweet P's favorite part about being on Project Runway is being accosted by celebrities, even when Brad Pitt is around.. -- Cinema Blend

Big Brother: As viewers re-enter the house, it was a whirlwind on the way to what host Julie Chen previewed as the biggest fight in Big Brother history. The houseguests were frustrated with Amanda's gossip...  -- Reality TV Magazine

A pair of classic reality shows entertained viewers last night. And we're not even talking about American Idol at the moment! Let's check out recaps of Big Brother and The Biggest Loser...

Big Brother 9: It's another night in the Big Brother 9 house and the house is full of people in various states of unhappiness and discontent. Most prominently, Parker was extremely upset with Jen's antics so he decided to list out the "three steps of destruction by Jen." -- TV Squad

The Biggest Loser: On last night's episode of The Biggest Loser, Alison Sweeney shocked the contestants when she sent them home for a week. It sounds like a good deal except that back home, their friends and family aren't on a diet. -- Buddy TV

While cast members on Big Brother spend most of their time annoying viewers, one idiot in particular has irked more people than usual by referring to people with autism as "retards."

Celebrity gossipsite TMZ has obtained a letter from John Gilmore, Executive Director of Autism United, to Viacom bigwig Sumner Redstone and CBS, demanding that they take action after a segment aired on Wednesday's show featuring Adam Jasinski making the stupid remark.

Check it out now:

According to the letter, Gilmore claims CBS made a "conscious choice" in running the quote - and used it for "their own personal goals." It would be hard to argue with that.

The organization calls for "[Big Brother 9] to be canceled, and expects an apology to people with autism. Gilmore also tells TMZ they've contacted the show's advertisers.

The two main reality shows that aired last night were based around sex: which skanky single would have it with Bret Michaels on Rock of Love; and which teammates would hook up on Big Brother. Let's find out!

Rock of Love: The "divine nine" wake up and Big John hands them their next clue: it's time for the second annual Bret Michaels Mud Bowl! Catherine the cougar is excited, because she's a dirty Montana girl. Daisy is terrified of getting hurt, probably because she's really tiny. -- Buddy TV

Big Brother: Allison threw out an ultimatum very early in the episode where she basically told Jen that she'd tell the house about her secret if Jen was disrespectful to her at any point in the game. Is it us, or does Allison seem way too defensive about the Jen and Ryan relationship? -- TV Squad

The headline pretty much sums this up.

Big Brother has basically turned into a dating show/brothel this season, as it's lined up partners according to who is most compatible with whom. As you can see and hear below, Jen and Ryan appear to be getting along well...

A pair of the longest-running, most popular reality shows graced television screens last night. So, what happened on Project Runway and Big Brother? Let's find out!

Project Runway: The opening scene saw Sweet P not believing she had not been "auwted" by Heidi but was relieved to be staying for another challenge. Chris and Rami were both fairly calm as to the final challenge to determine which designer would do a runway show and Christian was relatively quiet, for once. -- Reality TV Magazine

Big Brother: Following the Power Couple competition, Parker compares himself and Jen to Brad and Angelina. What else do you expect from a paparazzo? Jen is glad to win, because this means Ryan is also safe, as is their secret. -- Reality News Online

Big Brother 9 is subtitled "Til Death Do You Part." How come?

Because the house guests are playing in teams. With interviews and personality tests, CBS has paired each contestant with their supposed perfect love match. These couples share beds and teams will be evicted at the same time.

With that in mind, here are a couple of the teams vying for this season's Big Brother title:

Meet Allison, 28, a pharmaceutical sales representative from Boston, Massachusetts; and Ryan, 27, a college student from Columbus, Ohio.

Here's Amanda, 23, a paralegal from Fridley, Minnesota; and Alex, 24, a DJ company owner from Staten Island, New York.

Meet other couples now at TVGuide.com.

We got to know the new house guests on Big Brother 9's season premiere last night, while the folks on The Biggest Loser continued their weight-dropping ways.

Here are a pair of recaps:

Big Brother: Big Brother 9 is being subtitled "Til Death Do You Part." This is because the house guests are playing in teams this year. With interviews and personality tests, CBS has paired each contestant with their perfect love match. -- Buddy TV

The Biggest Loser: Everyone on Team Black was appalled that Jackie got ejected last week - Mark and Jay went back on their word! The fiends! Yes, they should have just been up-front about what they were planning. But the amount of self-righteous anger oozing off Team Black was over the top. -- Zap2It