Episode Guide
At the onset of this two-hour-long audition episode, Cat Deeley informs us that this year's prize money has been upped from $100,000 to $250,000.
On a side note, Cat Deeley's accent really turns on the Scoop staff, even when she irritatingly pronounces "Los Angeles" so that it rhymes with "cheese."
Just saying.
Meanwhile, Wade Robson, the best choreographer of the second season, has stepped into the judge's chair. Which he deserves. But, you remember this, Wade - when Britney Spears does more than a 15-minute lip-synching set as her "comeback tour," then you get to put her back on your résumé.
Not before.
Last week, the New York auditions were hit or miss. First up in the Los Angeleeeeeese auditions is Lauren "Misha" Gottlieb, i.e., the Woman Who Helped Ruin Spider-Man 3.
We learn that Misha actually assisted SYTYCD choreographer Tyce Diorio in the second season, which is pretty much like one of those American Idol backup singers showing up at auditions next season and expecting a shot.
But then Misha had to go and blithely brag that she helped Tyce teach Tobey Maguire that unspeakably awful Evil Emo Peter Parker dance routine that made the comic-book threequel derail like the train in The Fugitive.
Misha is supremely lucky that she auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance before Spider-man 3's release, because we cannot believe Nigel Lythgoe would want anyone even remotely connected to that fiasco anywhere near his show.
What Nigel Lythgoe apparently does want all over his show are dancers who smother their firm tummies in baby oil halfway through their routine.
Unfortunately, unless Jessi Peralta is able to find another song that includes a lyric similar to "oil on my hands" (from Corinne Bailey Rae's "Like a Star'), her literal dancing style demands she remain oil free.
Things only got weirder from there.
After the audience applauded Ernie "EJ" Sierra's surprisingly spry lyrical routine — the guy landed in splits and made it look easy — Nigel tried to get all huffy over their "patronizing" ovation, which he said was so enthusiastic because EJ was fat.
We followed EJ with Colin Wheeler, a kid who I'm going to spare from snark because he could be nearing the realm of the mentally diagnosable, judging by his revelations about the secrets locked inside the human blood cell, the mental communion with the late Anna Nicole Smith, the distressingly thin frame and gaunt, darting eyes.
The judges got that vibe too, as they let Wheeler's wavy rave flow off with the gentlest of touches — Nigel even offered to come visit Colin's planet rather than make Colin come back to Earth — but, really, are we doing the kid any good by putting him on television?
By doing so, we're only encouraging families like Olivia Usey's. Her mother told the camera that the treatment for the 18-year-old's skin problem had made her sick, but what broke the mother's heart was that Olivia stopped dancing to protect her health. Okay.
And then said mother found a lump in her breast and told her daughter that the only thing she could do to make her feel better was to audition for So You Think You Can Dance, on the day she went in for a biopsy, no less.
Fine. Let's hope it was benign, because after Mary Murphy practically hand-engraved an invitation for Olivia to break down and share her story, we'd just about had it with the emotional manipulation oozing from all sides.
Patience was tried even further with Bryce Cleverly, a.k.a. Golden Inferno, the masked, self-declared American jumpstyle champion who was far more amusing to the judges than he was to the Scoop staff.
Watching Mary Murphy completely lose it in the face of ballroom dancer Kurt Myers' seven-and-a-half-year bout with the hiccups, between his hyperactive diaphragm and his partner Dia Beck's overactive right eyelid, was, well, a break from the monotony at least.
Fortunately, the coverage of the next day of L.A. auditions kicked off with Jesus "Chuy" Solorio, former wine maker (time for that Hell's Kitchen promo!) and SYTYCD second-timer hoping for another shot.
He did well, but it was Hokuto "Hok" Konishi single-handedly stole the show and gave us a preview of what's to come in Season 3.
Hok is inventive, adventurous, appealing, and entertaining. So exciting, in fact, that he shook the silly right out of the episode. He's a lock for the final four. We are calling it now.
After a montage of kick-ass break dancing, we were set up to think Dominic "D'Trix" Sandoval was self-deluded; nope, the kid's got mad skillz. Eighteen-year-old Brianne Healey told us that after graduating from high school, she wanted to "grow up a little bit" and decided to "dance" on a cruise ship, "and, boy, did I grow up!"
Then she unfolded a routine of stunning, fluid beauty.
Even Benji Schwimmer's wacky winner shtick couldn't distract from his younger sister's solid audition. Nepotism at its finest?
When the show shifted to Chicago, and the unfettered enthusiasm of judge Shane Sparks, things got even better.
Morgan Larson pulled off a routine with some saucy hairpin turns of tempo and style. Phillip Chbeeb lived up to his Muppet last name with some sick hip-hop popping that made his arms seem like rubber.
And after her brother Isauro got the big N-O, Yesenia Gomez lived up to her affirmative first name with some hip-hop that made up for in sunny exuberance what it lacked in technical proficiency.
And then, as if they realized they were running out of time - the producers rushed through 18 or so seemingly outstanding dancers in a montage, one of who was one of the best females they'd seen... but not good enough for us at home to see, apparently.
Onward to next week!
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