Donny Osmond Named Dancing with the Stars Winner

The ninth season of Dancing with the Stars was a complete bore, but at least viewers could take comfort in one fact:

Mya would be named a deserving champion, as the singer was as impressive as any contestant in recent memory.

But fans had a major brain fart last night instead, somehow voting for Donny Osmond as the show's champion. The annoying, overly ecstatic crooner said afterwards:

"I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy right now! I'm on cloud nine!"

Said a disappointed Mya after the competition concluded:

"There's so much. There's disappointment, dedication, passion and commitment... I've learned multiple amount of things. It's an experience that you'll never forget for the rest of your life and that you want to share with others."

For shame, America. For shame.